Snoop Lion… Has well and truly now smoked too much weed (Image: Kara Murphy)
The Worst of This Week’s Singles: Snoop Lion, Blue, Rihanna and more!
Published on April 24th, 2013 | Jonny Abrams
Wanna hear The Worst of This Week’s Singles? We know you do, you gluttons for punishment, you; so starve your senses on this lot…
Amelia Lily – “Party Over”
Rocksucker loved Lily’s “Shut Up (And Give Me Whatever You Got)” single so much that it received the dreaded Dead Quail in this singles round-up from January; and “Party Over” doesn’t disappoint. As such, you’ll be hearing this warbly rave-pop guff blasting out of taxi stereos, crappy nightspots and goals montages for the rest of eternity.
On the bright side, the implication of finality in the title saves Lily from the ignominy of another deceased Galliforme. Nevertheless, it’s rotten stuff.
Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!
Blue – “Hurt Lovers”
YES! It’s the return of Antony Costa and chums! Do they still make Boyzone sound like Frank Zappa? You betcha!
“We gotta fight and take a stand” sings one of ’em, cashing in on the widespread executive realisation that footballers are a) easily taken in by vacuous motivational slogans, and b) wont to listen to the most appalling anti-music said executives can throw at them.
Didn’t take long to bring out the Dead one after all. Hooray for dullards!
Rocksucker says: Have a Dead Quail!
Calvin Harris feat. Ellie Goulding – “I Need Your Love”
Calvin Harris is okay at what he does, we suppose – you know, vaguely bubbly, pulsing electro-whatever – so it’s a shame that he’s so given to roping in such dreadful guest vocalists as Goulding and Example, resulting in identikit, chart-humping irritants such as this.
There are the occasional flashes of ingenuity about Harris’s production, but Goulding’s “I need to be with you tonight” schtick was immensely tiresome before it even existed. Whereas Harris needs to have a good look at himself in the mirror, Goulding just needs to disappear into one and never come back out.
Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!
Frankie Cocozza – “Embrace”
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
We’re laughing at his absurd, ‘Dick van Dyke’ in Mary Poppins singing voice. What are you laughing at? His sullen pouting in the video, perhaps? Or the line “Maybe I’ll come crawling back to you / But at the moment I am cool”? Perhaps we’ll permit ourselves a hearty chuckle or two later when we’re done laughing at his voice.
Ahahahahahahahahahahaha.
There’s a nice minor chord leading into the chorus, but that’s where the redeeming features end.
Hahaha. Ahaha. *Tires self out like a hyperactive infant*
Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!
Lethal Bizzle feat. Wiley – “They Got It Wrong”
Neither of these guys have anything of any interest to say. At all.
Except ‘dench’. Dame Judi must be truly honoured.
At least it wins This Week’s Most Apt Title award.
Rocksucker says: One and a Half Quails out of Five!
Loveable Rogues – “What a Night”
To be fair to this, if it was created specifically with Rocksucker’s distaste in mind then they’ve done a blinding job.
Five quails for the suspected wind-up, lads. Otherwise…
Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!
Rihanna – “Pour It Up”
In many ways, Rihanna is an atrocious role model. We’re here to review the song, though, not the social by-product.
*Ahem*: the song is atrocious. “Who cares how you haters feel?” she squeals/yelps/emits, though, so clearly she’s anticipated the reaction to this dialled-in, half-asleep, going-through-the-motions non-entity of a whatever it is.
Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!
Snoop Lion feat. Miley Cyrus – “Ashtrays and Heartbreaks”
Cripes.
Hey, Doggystyle was great, wasn’t it? Just listen to that instead.
Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!
Tune in tomorrow for The Rest of This Week’s Singles!
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About the Author
Jonny Abrams Editor of Rocksucker and the website's founder, Jonny is passionate about the music he listens to, both good and bad, as well as interviewing his favourite musicians.
