Little Mix… Feel the talent (Image: Rebekah Esme)
The Worst of This Week’s Singles: Little Mix, Gamu, Mayer and more!
Published on April 17th, 2013 | Jonny Abrams
As they are wont to do, this week’s singles included some right stinkers; nothing quite so bad as to bring out the dreaded Dead Quail, but pretty bad nonetheless.
We start with one of the better ones…
Brand New Heavies feat. N’Dea Davenport – “Sunlight”
I remember the Brand New Heavies; they sounded just like this about fifteen years ago when they had a hit with something or other. This is solid, sleek enough disco-pop with a nice, understated vocal to it…but how could this band not have changed in all this time, at all?
Wouldn’t you get bored of it? Not changing, at all, for all that time? Same old Brand New Heavies, eh? Still, all those bikinis in the video has to count for something.
Rocksucker says: Two Quails out of Five!
Gamu – “Shake the Room”
Tries to disguise its limpness with the occasional playful lyric and an admittedly sassy brass sample, but Gamu’s frightfully identikit vocal hampers any attempt at making something worthwhile out of this. That’s before we even get to the shoehorned-in rap section.
Nah, not buying this. Doubtless there’s an exec or two out there who thinks they’ve put together a pretty slick product.
Rocksucker says: One a Half Quails out of Five!
Jessie Ware – “Imagine It Was Us”
[sarcasm]Oh great, haven’t heard *this* beat before.[/sarcasm]
Anyone fancy a pint? No? Onwards, then.
Rocksucker says: Two Quails out of Five!
Little Mix feat. Missy Elliott – “How Ya Doin'”
Are Little Mix the chav Girls Aloud? And what are they doing singing with Missy? I mean, what next: 5ive feat. Dr Dre? 911 feat. Nas? A hologram of Tupac line-dancing with Steps?
Missy Elliott’s obsessed with telephones, isn’t she? Let’s stop asking questions and get to the quailing…
Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!
Mayer – “We’ll Meet Again”
Lol, what a douche.
Rocksucker says: Not a Single Damn Quail out of Five!
Moya – “A Little More Love”
Moya’s nowhere near as bad as Mayer, but this is still dull enough to embarrass ditch water.
The ditch water said: “Sometimes you’ve just got to hold your hands up and admit you were outclassed.”
See?
Rocksucker says: One and a Half Quails out of Five!
Platnum – “Love You Tomorrow”
This song has the potential to irritate taxi passengers half to death for the next year at least. Credit to the male vocalist for knowing which order the days of the week go in, though.
As pointless goes, this is pretty darn pointless.
Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!
Rascals feat. Professor Green – “Fire Blaze”
Yer man Green is probably about as low as modern music gets: horrible nasal voice, lyrics totally devoid of interest, no interest whatsoever in creating anything with even a shred of originality, and to make matters even worse we hear he’s marrying someone off Made in Chelsea.
For crying out loud, everyone, stop encouraging him. This isn’t actually the worst thing he’s appeared on, but you can weigh that relative praise against the notion of judging a Least Smelly Turd contest.
Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!
Tune in tomorrow for The Rest of This Week’s Singles!
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About the Author
Jonny Abrams Editor of Rocksucker and the website's founder, Jonny is passionate about the music he listens to, both good and bad, as well as interviewing his favourite musicians.
