U No Who This Is (Img: Alterna2)
This Week’s Singles: Nick Cave, BRMC, Stereophonics, Amelia Lily, Conor Maynard and some others!
Published on January 23rd, 2013 | Jonny Abrams
Singles!
This week’s singles!
Get yer singles!
Sixferapaaaahhhhnd!
Amelia Lily – “Shut Up (And Give Me Whatever You Got)”
This, no joke, made a room full of people groan the moment it started. The critiques flew thick and fast:
“What’s the point?”
“She just makes me want to punch her in the face”
“Eurotrash”
“Pat Butcher’s arse cheek”
“The soundtrack to dry-humping in Cafe de Paris”
“She’s from X-Factor? See, this is why the general public shouldn’t be allowed to vote for things.”
By the time Rocksucker had the chance to compose our thoughts and pay attention for even a fleeting moment to the damn thing, we were able to reconcile our instinctual distaste with a critical distaste. This is stupider than a stupid suggestion from the village idiot on National Stupid Day, and worse than approximately 90% of all things on Earth. That’s a big ol’ bowl of stupid and crap.
Rocksucker says: Have a Dead Quail!
Bebe Black – “Deathwish”
Moby’s “Natural Blues” (or more precisely the original from Alan Lomax’s Sounds of the South compilation) ran through Ellie Goulding. No, La Roux! Either way, it doesn’t work on any level and should never have happened.
This “rave-pop chanteuse” – so-billed by The Guardian’s Paul Lester – is not quite as bad as Amelia Lily, but hauntingly gash all the same.
Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!
Bingo Players feat. Far East Movement – “Get Up (Rattle)”
Like Reel 2 Reel’s “I Like To Move It” but less charming and witty, would you believe. This track’s main hook and selling point is that it has a duck in the video. Seriously, that’s it. A duck in the video.
If you would prefer to watch a duck for a few minutes without having to endure “Get Up (Rattle)”, then simply watch this a couple of times:
Awww. Now, what would it take – other than being a footballer – to enjoy “Get Up (Rattle”)? No existing drug could make this sound even passable, and so the research goes on. Please give generously.
Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!
Black Rebel Motorcyle Club – “Let the Day Begin”
You know what you thought this would sound like? Yeah, it kind of sounds like that. It’s decent enough, and instigates a roomful of head-bopping rather than the Lily-elicited (elilycited?) groans of before, but there remains the overwhelming temptation to sing “Spread Your Love” over the top of it.
Sounds oddly like a cross between Cast and Spiritualized, if that makes any sense. Overall, though, Rocksucker’s a little disappointed with this one. Sorry, chaps.
Rocksucker says: Two Quails out of Five!
Conor Maynard feat. Wiley – “Animal”
If hi-fis had arms, yours would slap you for playing this. If YouTube could kick you square in the nuts…well, you get the picture. For someone with a reputation as a bit of a maverick, Wiley sure has appeared on a lot of deeply bland tracks lately, his own included. As for Conor Maynard, he is about as necessary as arm pit hair, and for all we know he’s just as smelly.
Okay, maybe you know or have met Conor Maynard and are in a position to comment on his odour or lack of it. Even if he’s the best smelling bloke in the world, though, he still sucks a tremendous amount of donkey balls.
This is getting weird. isn’t it? Let’s check out some of that lyrical content!
“Grab me by the neck and never let go” – why, how did you know?
“You tear me apart like an animal” – chance would be a fine thing.
“I never see the claws until she’s touching me” – that’s a tad bestial, isn’t it?
“You can take my heart like a criminal” – huh?
“She’s another one of them beautiful women / I’m lookin’ back so she knows I’m on her / It’s an animal instinct for real drive her crazy so she knows the deal” – double huh?
Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – “We No Who U R”
Has it really been five years since Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!? Yes, we suppose it must’ve been. Blimey. This first track from forthcoming new album Push the Sky Away is a sea change, hushed nocturnal creature that it is, and the Bill Fay influence shines particularly through in Cave’s vocal delivery and a lovely exchange between flute and some ghostly whirring sound.
Oh, and the video setting brings to mind that of “Where the Wild Roses Grow”, which isn’t so much a good or bad thing as it is just a thing. Scant commendation though it may be, this is our single of the week!
Rocksucker says: Three and a Half Quails out of Five!
Stereophonics – “Indian Summer”
Far from doing its title justice, “Indian Summer” is perhaps the most piss-weak to date of Stereophonics’ ever-decreasing returns. Seriously, this has all the invention and heart of a Killers song; yes, that bad. Wayne Rooney loves Stereophonics so much that he has a tattoo of their album title Just Enough Education to Perform, and Rocksucker can imagine him singing along to “Indian Summer” while scrubbing his gooch with a tautened towel just after getting out of the shower.
Yes, that’s a deeply unpleasant image, but we trust that it shall give you some insight into how ghastly this is. Congratulations, Stereophonics; you are finally Rod Stewart.
Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!
Tim Burgess – “The Doors of Then”
Not one of the standouts from last year’s splendid Oh No I Love You album but a nice, jangly helping of Help!-era-Beatles-y breeziness all the same. He ain’t just great on Twitter, you know.
Rocksucker says: Three Quails out of Five!
See you next week everybody!
Related Articles
The worst of this week’s singles: Backstreet Boys, Stereophonics, Bullet For My Valentine and more!
The Best of This Week’s Singles: Arctic Monkeys, Local Natives, Temples and more!
Round-Up: Primavera Sound 2013, Saturday
The Worst of This Week’s Singles: Stereophonics, Josh Groban, Tich and more!
About the Author
Jonny Abrams Editor of Rocksucker and the website's founder, Jonny is passionate about the music he listens to, both good and bad, as well as interviewing his favourite musicians.
Pingback: Rocksucker: The Worst of This Week’s Singles: Snoop Lion, Blue, Rihanna and more! | moonblogsfromsyb