Sheryl Crow, perpetrator of one of the worst of this week's singles

Sheryl Crow... Sheryl, no! (Image: Selflessness)

The Worst of This Week’s Singles: Britney, Katy B, will.i.am and more!

Published on January 29th, 2014 | Jonny Abrams

Welcome to 2014’s inaugural round of filth that is The Worst of This Week’s Singles! Our guests today include Britney Spears, Katy B, will.i.am, Miley Cyrus, Pitbull and – with a heavy heart – Sheryl Crow…

Britney Spears – “Perfume”

Doesn’t she ever get tired of singing this keening guff? Just take the goodwill garnered from “…Baby One More Time” and “Toxic” and be gone with you.

Partially salvaged by a production that’s had at least a modicum of thought applied to it, mind. That should be on whosoever’s CV: “partly salvaged ‘Perfume’ by Britney Spears”. It well should be.

Rocksucker says: One and a Half Quails out of Five!

a quailhalf a quail

Katy B – “Crying for No Reason”

“For no reason” is undoubtedly the most operative phrase within this title: it’s classier than your average chartbound electro-pop, but B’s voice is without any distinguishing features whatsoever.

As for the tune, it’s a masterclass in utterly forgettable sultriness. Fairly pointless exercise all in all, but we shan’t cry about it.

You know, for no reason.

Rocksucker says: One and a Half Quails out of Five!

a quailhalf a quail

Sheryl Crow – “Easy”

She’s looking good for 51. Sadly, the positives end there.

We’ve still got ‘mad love’ for such blasts from the past as “All I Wanna Do” and “Every Day is a Winding Road”, so we’re prepared to let this mindless holiday jingle slide.

Even if she does sing “We’ll play Jack Johnson, he’s the new Don Ho” in it. Euch.

Come to think of it, that’s bridge-burningly bad, that is.

Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!

a quail

Jessica Clemmons – “Single Tonight”

This linedancing nightmare, featuring lyrics that would make Lurleen Lumpkin cringe, is conceivably why Jessica Clemmons finds herself “Single Tonight”.

Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!

half a quail

Pitbull feat. Ke$ha – “Timber”

Two of the most undeservingly successful people in the world combine, ahem, ‘talents’ on a track so irredeemably awful – seriously, it’s even got traces of linedance – that you almost have to take your hat off to it.

It’s going to be on all the time in the gym, isn’t it? Might just take up heroin instead.

Rocksucker says: Have a Dead Quail!

a dead quail

will.i.am feat Miley Cyrus, French Montana & Wiz Khalifa – “Feelin’ Myself”

What do you think?

Rocksucker says: Have a Dead Quail!

a dead quail

*Shudder*. See you next time, folks!

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About the Author

Editor of Rocksucker and the website's founder, Jonny is passionate about the music he listens to, both good and bad, as well as interviewing his favourite musicians.