NEWS: BBC brings about destruction of planet during mid-morning show
Published on September 19th, 2013 | Lucas Sinclair
The end is nigh. Go home to your loved ones. Find someone special to you. Grab a stranger and hold them. There is no stopping it now. Accept your fate and cherish these last precious moments.
The BBC, in its relentless efforts to destroy humanity, has managed to find the ultimate combination of human-shaped worthless sacks of water to bring about the apocalypse.
First, they got Fearne “couldn’t present her way out of a paper bag” Cotton to host and ruin Live 8, thus Keeping Poverty Present rather than making it history.
Now, in a move that brings about only incredulity in sane mortals, she has a radio show. And yesterday morning, this show started the countdown to doomsday.
Clicking on iPlayer Radio late on Tuesday night revealed this sentence: “Fearne Cotton – 30 Seconds to Mars take on Rihanna as their Live Lounge cover – it’s epic!”
Translation: Satan incarnate Jared Leto makes mediocre pop even worse in order to manipulate and exploit the half of the teen market that he’s not yet sunk his fangs into while Cotton sits in the corner massaging his veiny, throbbing, engorged…ego.
Most of the office panicked and flung themselves out of the window, but Rocksucker’s fearless science team took a breath and starting testing.
Their results are in and it saddens Rocksucker to announce to the world that this is officially the worst combination of words and animated objects ever in one sentence and room. Well done BBC, you win a cookie. An epic cookie. Laced with poison.
Can humanity rebuild from this and start again? Have your say in the comments section below!