Olly Murs Olly Murs… Quail murderer

The worst of this week’s singles: Olly Murs, Blue, Is Tropical and more!

Published on August 29th, 2013 | Jonny Abrams

Are you ready for the worst of this week’s singles? We don’t think you are.

Nevertheless…

Bastille – “Things We Lost in the Fire”

“Things weehhh lost to the fleh-haaames! The things we laawwst in the fi-yuh, fi-yuh, fi-yuh!”

Douchebag.

Slightly redeemed by some nice plinky pizzicato. But only slightly.

Rocksucker says: One and a Half Quails out of Five!

a quailhalf a quail

Ciara feat. Nicki Minaj – “I’m Out”

So titled because that’s what your brain says resignedly when you listen to it.

Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!

a quail

A3 – “Feel the Light (Endless Sunset)”

Feel the shite.

Look, we’ll make more effort if A3 agree to do likewise. Frankly, they’re less interesting than the paper size they share their name with.

Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!

a quail

Is Tropical – “Lover’s Cave”

What’s he singing? It sounds like “dumbarsey”. If he is then he has it about right, as this track is nowhere near interesting enough to warrant flaunting all those bare breasts in its video.

‘Art’, is it? Or a cynical ploy to attract bucketloads of YouTube hits? Hmmm.

It’s not art, that’s for sure. ‘Meh’ divided by ‘cynical boob ploy’ = one. One quail.

Contact us if you would like to use Cynical Boob Ploy as a band name.

Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!

a quail

Emin – “Amor”

Lighthouse Family meets Ricky Martin!

Sound good to you? In that case, you might actually be Satan. Better get that checked.

This gets half a quail for making us remember the Lighthouse Family. We couldn’t tell you why that’s a good thing, but somehow it is.

Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!

half a quail

Shane Filan – “Everything to Me”

One of those “life is like a…” sets of lyrics that totally undermines any wisdom it hopes to convey by attaching itself to the saggy underbelly of a piss-weak tune sung by some absolute nobody.

A cursory google reveals this particular nobody to have been one of Westlife, which admittedly makes him ‘somebody’, we guess.

But he’ll always be nobody to us.

Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five!

half a quail

Blue – “Break My Heart”

Music for morons.

We’d elaborate on that, but if you agree then you know what we mean already, and if you disagree then you’re a moron and it won’t make the slightest bit of difference what we say.

So, you know, let’s just get straight to the quailing.

Rocksucker says: No Quails out of Five!

Bo Bruce – “The Hands I Hold”

Taylor Swift meets Avril Lavigne.

Quail-destroyingly dreadful.

Rocksucker says: Have a Dead Quail!

a dead quail

Olly Murs – “Right Place Right Time”

*Bangs head repeatedly against desk*

GO AWAY.

Rocksucker says: Have a Dead Quail!

a dead quail

Those were the worst of this week’s singles! Well done for reading this far! Why not check out the best of this week’s singles?

Artists: , , , , , , , , ,

About the Author

Editor of Rocksucker and the website's founder, Jonny is passionate about the music he listens to, both good and bad, as well as interviewing his favourite musicians.


  • PMW

    This is the most correct anyone has ever been. Period.