Arctic Monkeys... Just one of the many stellar acts you could see with your own face
Glastonbury lineup: a suggested Friday schedule
Published on June 26th, 2013 | Jonny Abrams
Aka Don’t Forget Your Wellies! It’s that time of year again – er, except for last year, when it wasn’t – for Rocksucker to peruse the Glastonbury lineup and force our suggested itinerary down your throat.
You may of course not give two and a half tosses what we think your timetable should be; perhaps you do, but come the day you’ll be too hepped up on goofballs and space dust to so much as remember what music even is.
Those of you seeking to run the full gamut of live music from good to terrible will find themselves inundated with serviceable festival acts to lose your nut to and/or throw a bottle of piss at.
(*Disclaimer – please don’t throw bottles of piss.
Unless it’s at Mumford and Sons Not even Mumford and Sons.)
First off, bloody well be sure to see Will White from Propellerheads on Thursday; he’s doing three sets so you’ve no excuse. Also check out Six By Seven and The 2 Bears.
“Bizarre Ride 2 The Pharcyde” – is that actually The Pharcyde performing their classic album of the same name? If so, you know what to do.
Right, onto Friday…
Welcome to the other side of that header, where – for the purposes of this article – it is now Friday at Glastonbury.
If you’re up early enough, you could go grab a coffee and then jump around to the thrashy dumb/fun(delete as appropriate)-rock of The Hives (12:25-13:20, Other Stage), who need to be seen live lest there cease to be any point to them whatsoever.
Should you be nursing a sore head then you might want to opt instead for Haim (12:30-13:30, Pyramid Stage), so you can see for yourself what all the fuss is about.
It seems to singularly elude us, so we’d love to know. Any which way, their pleasant-enough ’80s fare should usher in the day like an inoffensive radio jingle.
You could then stick around the Pyramid Stage to watch Jake Bugg, Rita Ora and Professor Green; or you could find a crèche, up to you.
Oh, and be sure to miss The Lumineers on the Other Stage at 16:35, unless you want to see for yourself a grown man in dungarees expecting to be taken seriously.
A more appropriate venue for your hangover and/or comedown might be the Sonic tent, which shall host the monged electronica of Mount Kimbie (13:30-14:30) and Gold Panda (15:00-16:00). This would also be a grand spot for some early afternoon hallucinatin’, if that’s what tickles your boat.
Those not looking to leave planet Earth behind completely might want to attend The Radical Round Up with Billy Bragg (15:00-16:30, Left Field), or even the stirring slow-burners of Local Natives (16:00-16:40, John Peel Stage).
The John Peel Stage also wields, at various points on Friday, the following: Kodaline, Peace, Miles Kane, Frightened Rabbit, Bastille and The Courteeners.
That might not sound like your idea of a good time but it should be worth turning up just for the prospect of John Peel turning so violently in his grave that his coffin drills upwards and out through the surface, like Bugs Bunny having taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.
You can find out whether Solange (yes, Knowles) is any good at 16:30 on The Park Stage, where she is followed by the the downright unnecessary Palma Violets at 18:00. Just in case you need to bore yourself back into reality or some such.
Better bets from a musical rather than medical perspective would be Martha Wainwright (17:25-18:10, Acoustic Tent), Toro Y Moi (17:30-18:30, West Holts Stage) and the sure-to-be-popular (and for good reason) Tame Impala (Other Stage, 18:05-19:00).
If by that point proceedings haven’t descended into muddy carnage then you might be able to catch a bit of either Martha or Toro before making a beeline for Tame Impala’s hypnotic psych-pop; the West Holts Stage is slightly closer to the Other Stage, if that helps make your mind up.
Oh aye, here’s a map of the festival site.
SBTRKT appears in the Sonic tent at 18:30 but it’s only a DJ set.
What Glastonbury lineup would be complete without the previous year’s Mercury winners? Alt-J take to the Other Stage at 19:30-20:30 but you might not be able to hear them over the chattering trendies in attendance, or indeed the excess noise spilling over from the Park Stage, where the legendary Dinosaur Jr. have been allocated the exact same time slot.
You have quite the variety of ways in which to usher in the night: you can find out if Dizzee Rascal has retained his live ‘edge’ through the constant stream of hit singles (20:15-21:30, Pyramid), or whether Seasick Steve has learned any new tricks yet (20:30-21:30, West Holts Stage).
For the more ambitious punters amongst you, you could catch a bit of either Dizzee or Seasick then head over to either the Sonic tent for the impossible-not-to-get-your-groove-on-to Disclosure (21:00-22:00), the Other Stage for the relatively dreary yet still exceedingly popular Foals (21:00-22:00), Left Field for Billy Bragg & Band (21:00-22:00), or the Park Stage for Django Django (you guessed it: 21:00-22:00).
Or there’s Sinéad O’Connor on in the Acoustic Tent at 21:30. Up to you, really. Rocksucker would be tempted to catch Django Django on account of their superb debut album of last year, but at this stage of the evening it’s got to be Disclosure if you’re seeking to “get in the zone” for the night’s festivities.
Good luck choosing between the following headliners:
22:15-23:45 – Arctic Monkeys (Pyramid)
22:15-23:45 – Chic featuring Nile Rodgers (West Holts Stage)
22:30-23:45 – Portishead (Other Stage)
22:45-00:15 – The Horrors (The Park Stage)
22:50-00:20 – Simian Mobile Disco (Spirit of ’71 Stage/Glade)
Yowsers, that’s a toughy. If it’s euphoria and energetic dancing you seek, Simian are hard to beat in that regard. However, Chic and Portishead are legends, Arctic Monkeys and The Horrors two of our better current big-name bands, so…pffft.
If you’re not too knackered out after whichever of those you decide upon, go catch Rustie at the Wow! stage (00:00-01:00)…and should you wind up pulling an all-nighter, you’d be decidedly foolish not to rave yourself silly to acid house legends 808 State at Bez’s Acid House/The Unfairground (04:00-06:00).
Then you should really get some sleep.