Brandon Flowers Brandon Flowers… He’s sure no Bill Withers (Img: Piotr Drabik)

Singles Clubbed: Animal Collective, Linkin Park, Green Day, Killers, FFAF, Elton, Bieber, Lana and some others!

Published on November 14th, 2012 | Jonny Abrams

Singles are like kisses: some of them are lovely, some of them are all gross and sloppy.

Shall we club some? Yes, by Jove, yes!

Animal Collective – “Applesauce”

Soak it all in, folks: originality, creativity, dancing melodies, colour, flair, entertaining lyrics, unexpected yet seamlessly integrated tangents…look, we already talked about this track in our review of parent album Centipede Hz, but you’re advised to steel yourself with this if you plan on listening to all of this week’s listed singles. It’s a horror show, alright.

Rocksucker says: Four Quails out of Five!

a quaila quaila quaila quail

Elton John v Pnau – “Phoenix”

Looking down the list of this week’s singles, this is bound to be one of the better ones. It strikes Rocksucker just how well Elton’s voice has held up through the decades of, er, ‘expensive hobbies’, but then we read that the Australian duo are remixing old ’70s material. Forgive us for not knowing our Elton, we only really like “Bennie and the Jets”.

Anyway, the more this goes on the more it reveals itself as crushingly predictable disco-pop, a more sunnily disposed version of “You Don’t Know Me” by Armand Van Helden, or any of the 450 squillion (latest count) tracks that sound just like it.

Still, we’ll be very surprised if this isn’t better than Bieber v Minaj. *Shudder*

Rocksucker says: Two Quails out of Five!

a quaila quail

Example – “Close Enemies”

Pffft. Plus points for the evil clown in the video, minus points for everything else. Melodically bereft, rhyming dictionary lyrics, obligatory dubstep cash-in chorus, shoehorned-in rap (sample lyric “me Tarzan, she Jane”), patched-up-sounding vocals, as if a team of scientists spent months editing it together in order for it to be fit for its utterly depressing purpose.

Be comforted to know that somewhere out there, right now, Example is probably getting a blowjob because of toss like this. Graham Coxon’s guitar at the beginning is totally misleading, and it’s to be hoped that such a brilliant musician chooses his collaborators more discerningly in future. Actual fellow musicians would do, for a start, not this genetically modified Never Mind the Buzzcocks contestant/’guest host’.

Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!

a quail

Funeral For A Friend – “Best Friends and Hospital Beds”

Bang bang, chug chug, emo shouting emo shouting, yes yes, bye bye.

Rocksucker says: Two Quails out of Five!

a quaila quail

Green Day – “Stray Heart”

Imagine “Lust For Life” being forced to do a pathetically twee dance at knife-point. Or, alternatively, a tale of unrequited teenage lust grafted onto that horrible Jet song and performed by a bunch of middle-aged guys. How very dignified.

This would be great for a Green Day Kids-type spin-off band – think Tiny Toons, or Muppet Babies, albeit each of those have a superior theme tune – but, while this doesn’t quite plumb the depths of “Boulevard of Broken Dreams”, it does position Billie Joe Armstrong and chums ever further from the realms of ‘punk’, the tenets of which would appear to elude them to a quite comical degree.

At least it’s got melody, giving it half a quail’s worth of edge over Example’s effort.

Rocksucker says: One and a Half Quails out of Five!

a quailhalf a quail

Justin Bieber feat. Nicki Minaj – “Beauty and a Beat”

The video for this is presented as personal footage stolen from Bieber and uploaded by an anonymous blogger, and of course turns out to be an expensively lit pool party attended by breakdancers, bikini-clad beauties and, of course, the utterly charmless Minaj. Rocksucker’s heard worse than this, believe it or not – at least the Daft Punk-y gurgles of one breakdown section are actually trying to do something worthwhile, if not original – but in the main it’s the kind of identikit, wet ‘n’ warbly drivel you’d expect.

If you are over the age of 14 and you like Justin Bieber, you are an enemy of music and an enemy of evolution. You are perpetuating the cynical commercialism that oppresses us all, you are an Orwellian nightmare, and you should have a damn good look at yourself.

We’re not even joking. You suck, and we resent your very existence.

Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!

a quail

The Killers – “Miss Atomic Bomb”

From perhaps this year’s worst album comes another horrifyingly overblown piece of…oh, what’s the point? Let’s get to the quailing…

Rocksucker says: Have a Dead Quail!

a dead quail

Lana Del Rey – “Ride”

What’s this ‘stars and stripes’ nonsense all about? Lana hooks up with a Hell’s Angel in this video, which seems a shame as it’s a graceful, stirring ballad leagues above some of the utter tripe featured above. She winds up dressed as a Native American, so there’s some kind of point being made here after all, maybe. Everyone in the video seems happy enough, so best leave them to it, we suppose.

Rocksucker says: Three Quails out of Five!

a quaila quaila quail

Linkin Park – “Castle of Glass”

“Castle of arse, more like. Chortle!”

Okay, we came up with that one before the song had really begun in earnest (there’s quite the dramatic build-up, you see). Okay, he’s starting to sing now: “Take me down to the river bend / Take me down to the fighting end / Wash the poison from off my skin / Show me how to be whole again”. Oh, good grief. Castle of arse it is, especially since he proclaims in the chorus to be “only a crack in this castle of glass”. Yeah, a bum crack. LOLZ!!

Alternatively: “Erstwhile nu-metallers go pop in laughably earnest fashion, millions rush out like some inverse Godzilla attack to buy it. Or download it, whatever the kids do these days.” (Okay, that was a wee bit disingenuous…)

Third draft: “Linkin Park still suck, but in a different way.” Yes, that’ll do.

Rocksucker says: One Quail out of Five!

a quail

Little Mix – “DNA”

YES! MORE WATERED-DOWN DUBSTEP!

WOOOO HOOOOOOO!

At least they look good. People seem to like that. And there’s quite a pleasingly bonkers middle eight, which is worth its weight in quail. This is a small step in the right direction but it still comes from a darkly cynical place, one in which phrases like “target market” are lent weight and credence by people who are no doubt proud to contribute to such a “slick product”, when really they should be forced to spend a year dropping powerful hallucinogens and listening to SMiLE. Rocksucker will volunteer to be their Maharishi if that’s what it takes.

Yes, this is better than Bieber, but it still belongs in the same non-biodegradable McDonalds box. Music by committee: it sucks nuggets.

Rocksucker says: Two Quails out of Five!

a quaila quail

McFly – “Love is Easy”

Like most people, Rocksucker has a bit of a soft spot for McFly.

Only joking, we hate McFly. “Love is Easy” is sufficiently light of touch not to appall, but the “we’re a real band” facade  continues to insult, especially as – going by the video, anyway – their guitar-miming technique could scarcely be distinguished from that of a 5-year-old.

A slap in the face to actual musicians everywhere, and nowhere near a strong enough song to get away with it. McFly? McWHYYYYY?, more like!

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Rocksucker says: One and a Half Quails out of Five!

a quailhalf a quail

Melanie C feat. Emma Bunton – “I Know Him So Well”

The eagle-eyed and, er, dolphin-eared amongst you will have noticed that the video embedded is not in fact “I Know Him So Well” by erstwhile Spice Girls Melanie C and Emma Bunton, but “She Knows Me Too Well” by The Beach Boys.

This is for three reasons:

1) The songs have similar titles

2) “She Knows Me Too Well” by The Beach Boys is one of the most beautiful songs ever written

3) “I Know Him So Well” by erstwhile Spice Girls Melanie C and Emma Bunton is absolutely horrific

Enjoy!

Rocksucker says: Five Quails out of Five! (For the Beach Boys song, that is. We’d quail the other but we’ve already given the dead one to The Killers)

a quaila quaila quaila quaila quail

Omega Male – “Testosterone”

In other news, scientists have successfully cloned Alabama 3. 

Okay, that was a bit bitchy; this is a pretty decent daft shuffle from Fujiya & Miyagi man David Best, with pleasing lyrical turns like “Two bald men fighting over a comb / With too much testosterone”. As such, we can’t really complain given the reams of guff populating this week’s bag o’singles. Fuji & Miyagi have some good stuff, so let’s see what the album holds.

Rocksucker says: Three Quails out of Five!

a quaila quaila quail

Roses Gabor – “Stars”

Gabor’s fairly non-descript, but the Digital Soundboy production is really rather good. So, okay, we can come up with an analogy for this…yeah, okay: this is like ordering a burger, but the chips it comes with are much better.

Hmmm…you might have to come back to us on this one.

Rocksucker says: Two and a Half Quails out of Five!

a quaila quailhalf a quail

Stooshe – “Waterfalls”

Yeah, we put the original by TLC instead. So sue us.

Rocksucker says: Half a Quail out of Five! (For the Stooshe version, that is – go find out for yourself)

half a quail

See you next week, everybody!

Artists: , , , , , , , ,

About the Author

Editor of Rocksucker and the website's founder, Jonny is passionate about the music he listens to, both good and bad, as well as interviewing his favourite musicians.


45 Responses to Singles Clubbed: Animal Collective, Linkin Park, Green Day, Killers, FFAF, Elton, Bieber, Lana and some others!

  1. Great goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too wonderful.
    I actually like what you’ve acquired here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way in which you say it.
    You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it smart.
    I can not wait to read far more from you. This is really
    a wonderful website.

  2. Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your
    content seem to be running off the screen in Internet explorer.
    I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to
    do with web browser compatibility but I figured
    I’d post to let you know. The design look great though!
    Hope you get the issue fixed soon. Cheers

  3. g says:

    Hi there! This blog post couldn’t be written any better!
    Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He always kept talking about this. I will forward
    this post to him. Pretty sure he’ll have a great read. Thanks for sharing!

  4. I simply want to say I am just all new to blogging and site-building and definitely enjoyed this page. Likely I’m planning to bookmark your site . You certainly come with impressive well written articles. Many thanks for sharing your web page.

  5. Cool blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really
    make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got
    your theme. Many thanks

  6. excellent post, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector do not notice this. You should continue your writing. I am confident, you’ve a great readers’ base already!

  7. Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wished to say that I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again very soon!

  8. I actually wanted to write down a small word to be able to appreciate you for these unique steps you are sharing at this website. My extended internet search has finally been paid with reasonable points to share with my neighbours. I would claim that we site visitors actually are really fortunate to exist in a fantastic network with so many perfect people with interesting plans. I feel rather happy to have seen the web page and look forward to many more enjoyable minutes reading here. Thanks a lot once again for everything.

  9. Hi, Neat post. There’s a problem with your site in internet explorer, would test this… IE still is the market leader and a good portion of people will miss your wonderful writing due to this problem.

  10. sishair says:

    Thanks for some other informative blog. Where else could I am getting that kind of info written in such a perfect manner? I have a project that I am just now operating on, and I have been on the glance out for such info.

  11. I¡¦ve been exploring for a bit for any high-quality articles or blog posts in this sort of house . Exploring in Yahoo I finally stumbled upon this site. Studying this information So i am happy to convey that I have a very excellent uncanny feeling I found out exactly what I needed. I such a lot unquestionably will make certain to don¡¦t overlook this web site and provides it a look regularly.

  12. You are my breathing in, I own few blogs and rarely run out from brand :). “Actions lie louder than words.” by Carolyn Wells.

  13. nsfw says:

    I haven¡¦t checked in here for some time because I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are great quality so I guess I¡¦ll add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend :)

  14. Arthritis says:

    Hi my loved one! I wish to say that this post is amazing, great written and include approximately all vital infos. I’d like to look extra posts like this.

  15. I like this site very much, Its a really nice place to read and obtain info . “I’d better get off the phone now, I’ve already told you more than I heard myself.” by Loretta Lockhorn.

  16. bartenders says:

    Hi, i think that i saw you visited my website so i got here to “return the prefer”.I am trying to find issues to enhance my site!I assume its adequate to make use of a few of your ideas!!

  17. Excellent blog here! Also your website loads up very fast! What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  18. the beast tv says:

    I believe you have observed some very interesting points , appreciate it for the post.

  19. Have you ever thought about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is fundamental and everything. However think about if you added some great photos or videos to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips, this blog could certainly be one of the greatest in its field. Wonderful blog!

  20. I’m not sure exactly why but this website is loading extremely slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

  21. poker online says:

    wonderful points altogether, you simply received a logo new reader. What might you suggest in regards to your put up that you made some days in the past? Any positive?

  22. It’s a pity you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this excellent blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will talk about this blog with my Facebook group. Talk soon!

  23. One other thing to point out is that an online business administration course is designed for people to be able to well proceed to bachelors degree courses. The Ninety credit certification meets the other bachelor diploma requirements so when you earn your own associate of arts in BA online, you should have access to the most up-to-date technologies in this particular field. Some reasons why students want to get their associate degree in business is because they’re interested in this area and want to obtain the general knowledge necessary in advance of jumping right into a bachelor diploma program. Thanks for the tips you provide inside your blog.

  24. poker online says:

    Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?

  25. Very interesting information!Perfect just what I was looking for!

  26. 릴게임 says:

    hey there and thank you for your info – I’ve certainly picked up something new from right here. I did however experience several technical points the usage of this website, as I skilled to reload the website lots of instances prior to I may get it to load correctly. I have been pondering in case your web host is OK? Now not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will very frequently impact your placement in google and could damage your high quality score if ads and ***********|advertising|advertising|advertising and *********** with Adwords. Well I am including this RSS to my email and can look out for much extra of your respective interesting content. Ensure that you replace this once more very soon..

  27. kari faux says:

    I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I don’t know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!

  28. poker says:

    magnificent issues altogether, you just won a emblem new reader. What could you recommend about your put up that you made a few days in the past? Any positive?

  29. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the pictures on this blog loading? I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

  30. poker online says:

    I think this is among the most significant info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But should remark on few general things, The web site style is perfect, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers

  31. What i do not realize is actually how you are not really much more well-liked than you may be right now. You’re very intelligent. You realize thus significantly relating to this subject, produced me personally consider it from so many varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated unless it is one thing to do with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs nice. Always maintain it up!

  32. odchudzanie says:

    There is apparently a bunch to know about this. I feel you made various good points in features also.

  33. m w88 says:

    I’m impressed, I must say. Actually not often do I encounter a weblog that’s each educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have got hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not sufficient people are talking intelligently about. I am very joyful that I stumbled across this in my seek for one thing regarding this.

  34. Cannabis says:

    This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your fantastic post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!

  35. Hey! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any points or suggestions? Thank you

  36. I am really impressed together with your writing abilities and also with the layout for your weblog. Is that this a paid topic or did you customize it your self? Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a great weblog like this one nowadays..

  37. I like what you guys are up also. Such smart work and reporting! Carry on the excellent works guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it’ll improve the value of my web site :).

  38. Google says:

    Awesome write-up. I am a normal visitor of your blog and appreciate you taking the time to maintain the nice site. I will be a regular visitor for a really long time.

  39. Unquestionably believe that which you stated. Your favourite justification appeared to be on the net the simplest factor to be mindful of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people consider issues that they just do not understand about. You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and also outlined out the whole thing with no need side-effects , other folks can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thank you

  40. It’s really a cool and helpful piece of information. I’m satisfied that you shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  41. It’s onerous to find knowledgeable people on this subject, however you sound like you recognize what you’re talking about! Thanks

  42. What i don’t understood is if truth be told how you’re now not actually much more smartly-preferred than you may be now. You are so intelligent. You recognize thus considerably in relation to this topic, made me personally believe it from numerous varied angles. Its like men and women are not fascinated except it’s something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. At all times take care of it up!

  43. Wonderful blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News. Do you have any tips on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thanks

  44. I think other website proprietors should take this web site as an model, very clean and wonderful user friendly style and design, as well as the content. You are an expert in this topic!

  45. Fantastic beat ! I wish to apprentice whilst you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a appropriate deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered shiny clear idea

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *