We Are The Physics... Matter natter
Interview: We Are The Physics
Published on September 4th, 2012 | Jonny Abrams
We Are The Physics – Glasgow’s foremost purveyors of “sci-fi new wave punk”, since you ask – release their second album Your Friend, The Atom on 22nd October, so Rocksucker sent the band some questions concerning the new LP, the impending redundancy of male genitalia, and how they came to count three Michaels amongst their four members. First, though, check out the video to their single “Goran Ivanisevic”…
How would you describe the album to those who haven’t heard it yet?
We couldn’t really describe it in words – we’d just start by filling our cheeks up with air and widening our eyes like the Doc from Back To The Future, then lifting our hands outwards to represent expansion, finishing the description up by making a low-volume popping sound from our lips with an extended echo and flicking our fingers skyward. Also, we could just say it’s pretty good if you like that sort of thing.
What is it about Goran Ivanisevic that inspires you so?
He’s a mascot for the underdog, really. A figurehead for the terminally unsuccessful. And if there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s being rubbish.
How did you get into dildonics? What advice would you have for the first time dildonicist (or whatever is the correct term)?
The song’s more of a warning of the impending redundancy of the male genitalia rather than one about us championing it. It was based on an article we’d read about doctors being able to engineer sperm from bone marrow. That would inevitably render the male, and the already established fact that his sex-weapon is inferior compared to the range of popular mechanized counterparts, completely pointless. We’ve seen that Colin Farrell sex tape, you’d probably get more emotion out of a machine anyway.
How steadfast is your determination not to write a love song?
The steadfastest. It’s not so much a determination, we’re not sitting around desperate to write love songs but holding back. We’re just not at all interested in them. Which sounds clinical, like all our songs are cold, emotionless facts. It’s not that, it’s just that there are sixty years of love songs and maybe we could try and think of something else to write about, we’re humans and capable of myriad idiocies.
I think there are enough euphemisms for bumping and grinding in pop that we can get away with writing one about the psychological problems involved in mounting a penis operated by an artificial intelligence. It’s kind of a love song in a way. We were going to write one about falling in love with one of those Coinstar machines you get in Asda.
How important is a steady supply of Irn Bru to a fully functioning band unit?
Other soft drinks are available. But we’re Scottish, that stuff’s like water to us.
Did you accumulate so many Michaels by design or was it a happy coincidence?
I think happy is an interesting choice of word. It was definitely coincidence, or the incredibly poor imagination of all of our parents. The weird thing is we refer to each other as Michael, but the tone in which it’s said is the indicator of which Michael’s the one in question. Chris just calls us Prick A, B and D.
What are your “actual human jobs”?
Michaeldrum is a pilot, and the rest of us work for the ministry of defence, protecting everyone’s freedom to talk piss in interviews.
Are there any obscure and/or up-and-coming artists that you’d like to recommend or give a shout-out to?
I think getting a shout-out from us is the most humiliating thing any band could want, so we won’t torture anybody. It’s a bit like your very uncool brother pointing out to everyone in your school that you are, indeed, related. Nobody will benefit from being associated with us, it’s just shame all the way.
Finally, if you had to spend the rest of your life with the entire works of just five different musical artists, whose would you choose?
We’re already unfortunate enough to have to spend our entire life with the burden of We Are The Physics, but I suppose we’d have to choose Little Mix, Jedward, Steve Brookstein, Darius Danesh and Atari Teenage Riot. Or maybe Devo, Mocket, those two good Tenpole Tudor songs, The Knack’s My Sharona and Atari Teenage Riot. Definitely Atari Teenage Riot regardless. In fact, just Atari Teenage Riot.
We Are The Physics, thank you.
Your Friend, The Atom will be released on 22nd October, while the band will headline The Old Blue Last in London on 22nd September. For more information, please visit www.wearethephysics.com